thus making me awesome and them whores
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I can't trust your balls anymore.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize