I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
