When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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