isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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