I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
