Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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