yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
