I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
