Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
