he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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