Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
