I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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