so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
