He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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