i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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