You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
