mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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