you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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