So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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