is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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