There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
