you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
