If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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