Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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