I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
