well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
