I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
