Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i love accidental penises.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
