Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
