well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
