I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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