a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
