I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
