first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
