Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Rumble strips road head = magical
They took my balls.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
