Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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