I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Is it because I queefed?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
