I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
