Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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