3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
