Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My vagina is officially offended.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize