i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
