We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
