i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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