You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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