That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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