I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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