worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
