i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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