I cockslap morals
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
