He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
