Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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