ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
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