I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
