how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
