The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
