It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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