i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
