I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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