what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
