We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
