Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
