I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
