Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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