I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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