Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
