i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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