He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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