Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
