I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
