I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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