so that wasnt chicken after all
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
