I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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