ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just google imaged poop.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
