will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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