speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize