We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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