the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so that wasnt chicken after all
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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