dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i already hear my dad disowning me
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
