Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
