At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
