I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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