I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
