My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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