There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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