Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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