I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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