They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
