im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
