after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize