I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
