dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
