Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
