So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
