I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
