My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
