I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
