The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
