are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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