Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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