she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
