you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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