Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
